Relationship Needs of Women and Men

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Rev. Dr. Chris Jackson Relationship Coach

Have you ever wondered why God would create women and men so differently and yet also place within them such a strong attraction for each other? Some say that opposites attract but the differences between healthy couples should not be differences in values, goals, objectives or character. Rather, for healthy couples the differences usually lie in different personal gifts, different skills, and different viewpoints of ways of viewing the same subject. The optimum concept behind marriage is to become more powerful as a unit working together than either of the partners could have been individually. Oneness, unity and teamwork making the shared dream work are elements used to produce a godly marriage. Holy and healthy matrimony can become a powerful instrument and agent of change used by God to positively and spiritually influence culture for the glory of God and the Kingdom of God.

A successful marriage takes all the characteristics comprising the sum of both parts, mixed with the power of God to produce a thing of great beauty and effective function. Dr. Gary and Barbara Roseberg   wrote the book entitled: The Five Love Needs of Men and Women. In it they list from their research the top five needs of husbands and the top five needs of wives in chronological order of priority.  Of course there are exceptions to every generality, but with that in mind, please if you concur with their findings below.

The WIVES’ TOP FIVE LOVE NEEDS are listed as follows: 1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance; 2. Emotional Intimacy and Communication; 3. Spiritual Intimacy; 4. Encouragement and Affirmation; 5. Companionship. Were there any surprises here? HUSBANDS’ TOP FIVE LOVE NEEDS are: 1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance; 2. Sexual Intimacy; 3. Companionship; 4. Encouragement and Affirmation; 5. Spiritual Intimacy. Did any of the items on the list surprise you? What about the prioritized order of the items on the list? Please notice the things that are similar in the husbands and wives list and the things that are different and/or absent from one list that is present in the other.

An important key to relationship success and effectiveness is to learn to not resist the inevitable differences in one’s mate but to embrace them and harness them and use them to build the relationship rather than kill the relationship. Although there are exceptions to every rule, in most cases your mate is not crazy, just different. Learn to investigate, appreciate and celebrate those differences and your relationship will be stronger.

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