Before I comment on whether Dr. Jamal Bryant’s wife’s ball gown at a recent UNCF fundraiser was too revealing, too tight, or inappropriate, let me first say I mind my own business because I have some, and, none of it goes by the name of Dr. Karri Turner Bryant.
Even if Brother Bryant hadn’t bought the dress in question, and loved/hated it, or you thought it was way too much, we should do what blues great, Memphis Minnie, advised decades ago: “Use good judgment and keep your big mouth closed.”
In the African American church, first ladies—(the pastor’s wife, not wife of the U.S. president) are a different and special category. As the widow of a United Methodist minister, I’m no expert but after over 40 years of experience, I’m called the “Forever First Lady.” Their designation, not mine.
Pastor Bryant said he, too, wanted to see and be proud of his wife, like the rest of the guys, AND, he said the dress was flesh colored, not see-through. Details, fact, or fiction—what Dr. Turner Bryant wears or doesn’t wear is her/their business but a dress like that elicits scrutiny, labels, and excessive tongue-wagging. AND, when/if you’re “wearing” an outfit like Dr. Karri was, haters come out the woodwork.
I dress conservatively and aim for stunning and elegant—not after-church conversation, and, most of our parishioners have never seen my knees. That’s how I roll but events like the UNCF fundraiser, however, are the color of another horse. What I couldn’t see, and didn’t read, was what everyone else was wearing. Surely there were others who were scantily clad and wearing daring outfits worthy of meddlesome and intrusive scrutiny, yet Dr. Turner Bryant’s husband said her dress overshadowed everything, especially the $4 million raised.
Dr. Karri is still a newlywed and unfortunately may not fully grasp she is/will be held to a higher standard by those who missed Memphis Minnie’s earlier message, but I pray she will stay focused on her ministry and not get distracted by this foolishness.
Advice that kept me sane came during an ordination service nearly 50 years ago. Our bishop told the wives—there were no male spouses then: “You don’t have to be perfect and don’t let people put you in a box. Make your own way. If folks have a problem with that, it’s their problem, not yours.”
Being a pastor’s spouse is a tough job so I fully understand Brother Bryant’s outrage about the attacks on his lovely bride. Roger never bought me any outfits that sparked controversy, but today’s vicious name calling and hateful remarks have become more than critiques about an interesting dress. They feel personal, cruel, and mean spirited.
First ladies are professionals, role models, mentors, confidantes, friends—human beings with feelings. There’s nothing perfect about us, no matter how big the church, or how cute/outlandish the outfits and interesting hats. We have beautiful hearts and minds, and, when we’re wearing something that shouts pay attention, PAY ATTENTION, AND keep your big mouth closed!
The United Negro College Fund Atlanta fundraiser was held in late December. Dr. Jamal Bryant is senior pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Stonecrest, Ga. The Bryants married in November 2024.
